Am I being reasonable here? As I work part time my salary as it is in pounds intends to be greater than my husbands salary. You will need to follow the instructions in that message in order to gain full access to the site. Of course, western culture was patriarchal too until recently, and Islam did improve the situation of women relative to what it had been. I have a question. I was searching for financial privacy between husband and wife. The husband is responsible to take care of the needs of his wife. Again, an interesting question. I have been married for twenty years and have worked all of these years. i feel like giving money to his family for their needs is one thing but basically financing for a lot of shi*tty desi customs is just nonsense. I was earning good and she was starting her business which i support intially for 500000 rupees then she started to grow really well. Her daughter is 15 and i choose only from the very best when it comes to privat school or laptop or traveling to turkey or omra or any thing else .i pay but. This is the responsibility of the husband. If I support my parents who are in need of financial help. A man must finance all his partner’s expenses, even if she is wealthier than he. It may suit the couple’s situation very well, and religious preconceptions should not stigmatize it. My husband and I both are students 26 yrs old, i come from a lower middle class family and he comes from an upper class family. The Right to Health Care and Sanitation, 6. I would like to know, is a wife obligated (by law, customs or otherwise) to give money to her husband and/or share their finances? Hi, my husband and I split everything financially 50:50 other than one aspect which is our car which he pays for. This is particularly so where the husband is relatively less affluent. Also whenever I plan on visiting my husband my parents start arguing with me they say I shouldn’t waste my money that I earn on going and visiting him when’s it’s my earnings as i would need to pay for my ticket and when I’m in Pakistan with him he pays the rent and for our food. my husband wants to take loan to finance his sisters wedding. In order to create a balance, both husband and wife enjoy their own well-defined rights in their own capacities, as quoted in the Holy Quran: There are four main roles for wives in a marriage: a. Obeys husband on matters not against Islam. While all dads see providing for the family as a crucial element in their role as the husband, their definition of providing varies greatly. When we first married I was working and as I had sufficient savings I happily agreed to co tribute to assets within our home. He should maintain and provide for his family and they should coordinate so that they can do only what they can afford and seek Allah’s Help. Women are said to have the advantage with respect to these attributes – but as said earlier I do not like to generalize about gender differences. Doesn’t sound like a responsible guy from your description. Even if there are such differences statistically across men versus women, it is a mistake to impute such differences to any individual as those scholars have done. That way you get legal advice on your situation as well. – With respect to intimacy, a wife may not deny herself to her husband. The wife is the person most responsible for straightening the husband’s behavior that is not in line with Islamic Shari’a. (a)The mahr (dowry). But that is just the form of this deep and loving relationship and I would not advise getting very “legal” about the nikah contract. The Right to Possession and Enjoyment of Property, 8. I also send some money to her parents too. and he is poor at this time struggling and especially due to the corona virus . But i like to have my own account too so I don’t have to ask him money and making him mad everytime i ask. The wife must be honored in everything including sexual relationships. Hi, I pay about 85% of our family costs and my husband pays 15% because he wants to use the rest of his money to help his brothers move overseas and to build a new family home abroad although in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with their current home. He does not get financial help from family and he continues to independently pay his own bills/student loans. There is no “Islamic” answer to this. Also he is giving the charity, how can I give charity if I have none of my own money? “Let him who has abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah has given him. Aslm I am a working wife my husband however told me he wont work and ask me why must he work we have no children I want to know is this permissible in Islam that a wife must provide for her husband. Should this be reflected in how much of the house she owns? It is worthy of note that even though housework and house management is not the duty of women according to the law of Islam, it is considered morally crucial and essential for familial affection and intimacy. Wife must be willing to let her husband go for Jihad Fisabilillah (join the battle to defend the Islam). I also have bad debt which i try to clear every month.. So basically women are expected to raise kids, look after the house, cook and clean and be expected to be in employment in order to help out the husband. Your husband should be nudged though into understanding his Islamic role. There are some men who are still excellent communicators and managers! Why is that? And of course the mahr of the wife is entirely hers to do with as she wills. Working in difficult and tiresome jobs outside their homes harms the elegance and loveliness of women, which in turn decreases their attractiveness for their husbands; this is neither to women’s nor men’s benefit. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. Also my wife owns 2 houses which still have mortgage on it which I’m happy to pay for her (she is not currently working), but I’m obligated to do so? Will be waiting for your reply… If it is at all helpful, drop me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) and I am happy to talk to your husband if needed. please advice. I’m afraid by saying “should” you’ve undermined the rule all together and so indirectly hinting that really she does have some kind of financial responsibility. She said i spend and she saves.. The Right to Participate and Associate in the Government, 12. There are two ways this analysis can run. Nature and genesis has placed heavy burdens of responsibility upon women, who are compelled to carry them out; such as pregnancy, giving birth, nursing their babies, nurturing, fostering, and training and edifying their young. Dear Brother in Islam, no husband is allowed to or has a right to stop his wife from keeping good relations and visiting her mother or her relatives, no matter who they are or … Show interest, split financial responsibility If your husband does not share financial information, it is possible that at the start of the relationship, you did not evince any interest in financial transactions. My husband worked for the first few years then got laid off several times and then eventually retired. It is also common for wives to handle bill paying and shopping while husbands manage the big picture planning, such as retirement … If I want to get married, I need to earn double the amount that I am earning right now. But before that i wanna know is it okay to get out ways apart? This little unit is shaped of a lady and a man and is stretched out by delivering youngsters. Who pays for childcare when the wife goes to work? If the husband spends on his stepdaughter out of kindness, and she responds by treating him well, taking care of his house and serving him, then that is good, because bringing people together and creating harmony between them is an aim that Islam seeks to achieve. That’s an important consideration. Typically the Mahr is the woman’s to keep unless she foregoes it. Instead, Islam intends that women not be forced to work and provide living expenses; however, with regard to her abilities, preferences, and facilities, and the mutual agreement of spouses, a wife can choose an acceptable job and perform her responsibilities outside her home, and thus have an independent income. It is jarring to see our children being put through this whilst we worry about who pays for it! Is this right in islam? Nafaqah consists of all needs of a family, with regard to available resources and conventions [‘urf] of the time, place, and social level of the family. Apart that I will be paying everything in our marriage, from housing, food & clothing etc… for her, am I also obligated to pay a monthly allowance? If the wife is a stay-at-home wife, then I would suggest that a shared bank account (into which you pay your salary) would practically make the most sense as that is the common pot from which you will both spend. 13. Also there has been times when he has needed money and I have given it to him instead of him relying on his friends on very few occasions. The shepherd hadith specifies guarding the husband’s property and children – and so long as that is achieved the wife has fulfilled her bare responsibility. Thank you for the article. Moreover the purpose of a family as an institution is in stark contrast to the kind of mindset a woman has when she condemns her children to others care, particularly when those others are not trustworthy in their moral compass and lack Islamic values. He said it be our money and we have joint account when that happens. I find out afterwards. Allah says: “Someone who is well off should spend from his fortune, and whoever is poor should spend from what Allah gives him.” © Ahlul Bayt Digital Islamic Library Project 1995-2020. On the other hand I’m in my 2nd year at University and I am working part time. Is it not better for both women and men to work and jointly pay for the family expenses? So “reasonableness” is the name of the game here when working out if something is a “need” or a “want”. Recently he has again taken out all of of our savings and invested again without asking or telling me. I am a non-Muslim and hope my question does not offend. Your husband is technically obliged to meet your needs (not your parents). Attracting the Attentions of One’s Spouse, Nafaqah (Financial Support) and its Philosophy, Section Two: The Rights and Duties of Women in the Form of Questions and Answers, Nonconformance of Publicity and Education, 3. 14. Furthermore, his studies will take up another 3 4 years. Whilst my husband has never made me pay 50% of our bills, this has always been an area of contention and if I don’t contribute sufficiently to joint savings this is what I keep hearing. 1 – I agree we need to be careful. 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